


I Can't Decide (Whether You Should Live or Die)

by IPutTheSassInAssassin



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blackmail, Comic Spoilers, Enemies to Lovers, Guilt, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Slow Build, Spoilers, Threatening, Violence, graphic death, negan being a dick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-08-29 03:39:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8473966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IPutTheSassInAssassin/pseuds/IPutTheSassInAssassin
Summary: Mutual enemies force an alliance between Alexandria and the Saviors. As Negan and Rick are forced to spend more time together, an unlikely bond begins to form despite their struggle to stop it. The ultimate question arises; is redemption for Negan even possible?





	1. I Own You

   Negan had made his choice of who to kill long before even starting the 'eenie minie moe' charade. It was all part of the act, a show designed to break the newcomers as much as he possibly could. Slowly and deliberately digging in, pulling apart their hopes and dreams and replacing them with terror. It was the best way to get his message across. _You don't fuck with me. I'm in charge now._

   Over the past few weeks leading up to this pivotal moment, Negan had heard many stories about the new neighbors. News of their little stunt at the satellite station had spread like wildfire. Not only did it piss Negan off, but it also impressed him, painting a grand picture in his mind of a group of expert fighters, all brimming with confidence and intelligence. He envisioned a tyrannical leader with an iron-hold over his followers, brainwashing them into the most brutal acts, training them in various methods of combat. Someone unencumbered by morality or empathy. Finally someone truly worthy of Negan's rivalry. Negan had been all too anxious to meet them face to face finally and break them down bit by bit until even they were at his mercy.

   Negan was quite surprised when he stepped out of the RV and finally got his first look at the new group. The people lined up on their knees in front of him were nothing at all like he'd imagined. He smirked, wondering if this was some joke. When none of his men said anything, he then wondered if they hadn't screwed up and just caught the wrong people. This group seemed so fragile and pathetic all in the dirt, already looking at him like deer caught in his headlights, trembling and terrified, and Negan hadn't even said a damn thing to them yet.

   When their leader, Rick, was pointed out to him, the man just seemed so soft and... _emotional_. Everyone in the group was the same damn way. Negan could already tell just by the way they looked at one another; they all trusted and cared for each other. Like some big happy family. Negan chuckled, shaking his head slightly; they'd already shown him the best way to tear them apart and force them into submission. All he had to was hurt one of them, and the rest would crumble with him like dominos. _That's what happens when you let yourself get attached to people. Boy, they make it too damn easy! How have they survived this long?_

   Negan took his time checking out each person in the line, sizing them up like a rancher inspecting his cattle. Nobody argued with him or tried to fight; their fearful obedience pleased him. However, there was one still resisting him; the fucking redhead. Unlike all the others, who cowered and shrunk under Negan's scrutiny, the redhead had the audacity to brace himself and stand up to Negan as he passed, with absolutely no trace of fear in his eyes, even as the bat was swung dangerously close to his face. Everyone else, Rick included, had already been broken, crying and practically pissing their pants. Only this one refused to back down and bow to Negan's leadership, and that Negan just could not fucking allow to continue.

   What better way to establish his power and leadership, than to absolutely crush this group's last remaining shred of hope and confidence?

   Killing the asshole was just too much damn fun. The screaming and crying that erupted from the rest of the group as his head was bashed in, over and over, just added to the enjoyment. It was a reminder, not only to everyone before him, but also to Negan himself, of just how powerful he truly was. He could do anything he wanted, he had the whole world by the balls, and there was no way in hell he was letting Rick or this redhead fucking threaten that.

   Negan dragged out the whole act with taunts and ridiculous jokes nobody else ever laughed at. Finally, the redhead was nothing more than a body with a pile of mush and gore where his head had just been. Negan grinned, pleased with his own work. Nobody else dared stand up to him after that, only listened intently as he paced up and down the lineup, swinging the bat nonchalantly, flinging blood every which way as he explained the rules of their new deal.

   The rules were very quite simple. Half of all their supplies would be handed over to him each week or someone else of Negan's choosing would join the redhead. Negan thought if he had to pick again, it'd probably end up being the Asian kid for his outburst, but Negan kept that to himself.

   Alexandria managed pretty well for the first couple of weeks of their deal, but their supplies were diminishing too quickly to be replenished in time. Especially since they'd already cleared every place within 10 miles of Alexandria of useful supplies. Hope was dissolving more and more as each week passed, and what was once a loving community slowly became more tense and fearful.

   Some people wanted to initiate an attack on the Saviors, but Rick avidly argued against it, remembering just how many Saviors there were, how many had surrounded them that night in the woods. At least three times as many people as they had in Alexandria. Those that demanded a counter-attack had not been present that night in the woods, they hadn't been in the lineup, surrounded by the saviors. They hadn't experienced the terror and hopelessness, hadn't been forced to watch Negan mercilessly bash in the brains of their friend without so much as a flinch or second's hesitation. They had no idea what Negan was capable of.

   “As much as we hate it,” Rick had explained during a group meeting in the church, “This is how we survive. By following Negan's rules. He's the one in charge now. Anyone who refuses to acknowledge that can hit the road, take your chances on your own. I won't have anyone screwing this up and getting us all killed.”

   Nobody brought it up again after that, trusting Rick's judgment despite not fully agreeing with his choices.

   Negan and a select group of saviors would arrive on a different day each week for the collection, and the uncertainty of his arrival date always kept everyone on their toes. Thankfully, for the most part, Negan focused most of his attention on only Rick during his visits.

   Rick both intrigued and annoyed him. The man's emotion and empathy got under Negan's skin like nothing else. Negan wanted to figure him out and shatter him. Shatter his sense of self, his stupid optimism. There was no place for that shit anymore with how the world was. Or maybe Negan just hated how much Rick reminded him of himself before the world had ended. Whether it was true or not, Negan would never admit.

   There were really only four things Negan loved in the world anymore; sex, violence, establishing his dominance, and pissing off Rick. Easy enough, since Negan always knew exactly what buttons to push and when.

   Rick was confident, or at least used to be. Knowing he had been the one to absolutely crush the man's spirits always empowered Negan's ego. The high-and-mighty Rick Grimes, savior of the new world, was surprisingly easy to dominate. Almost too easy.

* * *

  
   Rick said nothing as he helped load the week's supplies into the Saviors' vans. Negan just watched him, arms crossed as he waited. The master watching over his slaves.

   “You know, for a leader, you sure are fucking quiet.” Negan said, testing him.  
Rick shot him a glare as he slid the last crate of tomatoes and corn into the van. There was nothing he despised more than having to bow down to the asshole before him, and his constant yapping was nothing less than obnoxious.

   “That's the last of it.” Rick said coldly, eager for the Saviors to leave.

   “Don't be so rude, Rick. I'm just doing what I have to do for my people to survive. Everybody follows the rules and they'll be alright. I'm sure you've done some pretty fucking terrible shit for your people too, right?”

   Rick's expression hardened. Images flooded his mind; slaughtering Gareth and his followers back in the church. Shooting the cannibals' legs at terminus and letting the walkers overtake them. Killing the saviors in the satellite station in their sleep. All the strangers they'd ignored and passed on runs, just to be safe. It's too dangerous.

   Negan smiled at Rick's reaction. He'd just found yet another weakness in Rick, “Right. We're the same, Rick, you know that.”

   “I'm nothing like you.” Rick spat. Every one he'd killed deserved it. Everything he'd done was to protect his family. He never killed someone innocent, like Negan and his Saviors did. _But are we really innocent?_  
  
   Negan chuckled, “You're right. You're a hell of a lot fucking worse.”

   Rick's fists clenched at his sides as he watched Negan inspect the given supplies before shutting the back of the van. Satisfied, Negan shot Rick one last smile and a wink before hopping back in his truck and finally leading the Saviors out of Alexandria.

 


	2. Wolves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I'd like to say - the amount of response I got on the first chapter blew me away! Thank you so much to everyone who read/commented/gave kudos to this work so far. You guys made me so happy! Enjoy ~

 

   “What the fucking fuck is this fucking shit?” Negan shouted as the truck slowed to a halt halfway back to the Sanctuary. They'd just left Alexandria from their weekly collection, looking forward to getting back home after a long day in the heat.

   Blocking the roadway up ahead was a rather strange group of people. Their hair was matted, clothes all tattered and covered in dark mud mixed with only god knew what else. They were all armed with machetes and butcher knives. Red W's were either cut or painted onto each of their foreheads. They did nothing as the Saviors stopped, just standing there, staring at them with emotionless, blank expressions. The whole situation was unnerving to say the least.

   Dwight turned to Negan, “We can take them.”

   Negan smirked, “No way in hell I'm passing up this shit. Everybody out.”

   On his command, the Saviors piled out of their trucks, guns immediately aimed at the strangers before them. They studied the newcomers closely, just seeing them now for the very first time. Some thought they'd been followed from Alexandria, but these people were way too different to be part of Rick's group. This group looked like they'd lived in the wilderness for years, never even bothering to wash themselves or even change their clothes once in a while. Negan suspected that wasn't too far from the truth.

   Negan stepped forward with a confident smile on his face, “Hi. I'm Negan. And this... this is _Lucille_.” Negan held up the bat for emphasis. Specks of blood still caked the barbed wire, adding to the sinister vibe she gave off. Still, none of the people in front of them moved or said anything at all. Not even a flinch.

   Negan scowled, eyes narrowing as he looked upon the strangers. No reaction whatsoever from these people; that wasn't a great sign. He added with more conviction, “There's a hell of a lot more of us where we came from, just so we're clear. Now, drop your weapons and get on your knees. Then we can talk.”  
  
   Still, no one moved an inch. The only answer was continued silence...

 _They're not scared in the least bit. They don't feel a damn thing._  
  
   Negan opened his mouth- and never got to say anything else. Several more of the strange men sprung out from between the trees, and all hell broke loose. In the blink of an eye, two Saviors had already fallen, stomachs ripped open as blood and intestines poured out onto the road. They sputtered, choking on their own blood, clutching their stomachs as the attackers stole their guns and opened fire on the rest of Negan's men.

   The next few minutes were a chaotic blur of shouting and gunfire between the two groups. The Saviors scrambled behind their trucks for cover. Negan quickly grabbed an extra gun and joined in on the fight. One of the attackers collapsed from a gunshot to the head.

   A couple of the attackers stuck to firing at the Saviors, while the others took advantage of the distraction and raided the trucks, grabbing as much food and supplies as they could carry. They focused on all the guns, fresh fruit and medicine they could find.  
  
   Arms and pockets full, they fled back into the woods, all in different directions. The two designated shooters were the last to escape, disappearing into the trees as quickly as they'd come. Then it was all over. Over half of the Saviors' supplies had been taken, a twisted irony nobody dared to point out.  
  
   The few remaining Saviors made to chase after their attackers.  
  
   “Leave them!” Negan shouted, forcing the Saviors to a halt. They turned and waited for further orders.  
  
   After taking a moment to catch his breath, Negan walked over to one of his downed men. He watched the poor bastard struggle, blood pouring out the side of his mouth as his body spasmed violently. Negan scowled, raised his gun and finally put the man out of his misery.

 _Disgusting pigs._ _They did_ _n't even have the decency to finish the_ _fucking_ _job._

   “Let's go after them!” Dwight argued, glaring at the dead man in front of them. They'd lost too many already, first to those assholes in Alexandria, and now these people?  
  
   Negan rounded on him, “Oh my bad, I forgot you were the one in charge, Dwight! Fucking excuse the fuck out of me.”  
  
   “Sometimes I think I _should_ be. Shit like this wouldn't happen then.” Dwight muttered.

   Negan punched him right in the face. Dwight stumbled backward, hands clutching his bleeding nose as his gun clattered to the asphalt. The other Saviors stood back, watching the drama unfold. They knew better than to intervene; Negan's wrath was nothing to be tested.

   Negan grabbed Dwight by the collar and pulled him close, “Don't forget what happened last time you fucking crossed me.” Negan growled, nodding to Dwight's scarred face, “ _I_ am in charge. _I_ tell you what to do and when to do it. You don't go anywhere without my permission, you don't _eat_ without my permission, you don't even take a fucking _piss_ without my permission. If you try me again, I won't hesitate to beat the holy fuck out of you just like I did that redheaded asshole. You understand?”  
  
   Dwight kept silent, a drop of blood sliding down his chin.  
  
   “Speak when spoken to!” Negan shouted, his voice laced with a venomous anger which made everyone around stand just a little bit straighter.

   Dwight nodded quickly, “Yes. Okay. You're in charge.”  
  
   Negan glared at him a moment longer before shoving him backwards. Lips pursed, Dwight quietly picked his gun back up. He said nothing else, avoiding everyone's gaze with his sleeve pressed to his broken nose.  
  
   Negan turned to the rest of the group, “These vultures are gonna fucking get what's coming to them. They're gonna fucking regret this, but it will be on _my_ fucking terms.” Negan eyed Dwight as he said the last part. Then he headed for the truck, “Now, let's get whatever the fuck's left of this crap back to the Sanctuary. I'm gonna need a piece of ass before I have the patience to deal with this shit.”  


 

 


	3. Allies

   “How are you feeling?” Rick asked, standing with Maggie and Glenn near one of the gardens. Rick made a point to check up on her regularly, giving her any extra food they may have scrounged together. Keeping Maggie and the baby healthy and safe was a top priority, especially since the night they met Negan.

   “I'm fine.” Maggie gave him a reassuring smile, hand resting on her stomach. Rick wasn't entirely convinced. She was way too thin for being so far into pregnancy. Hell, she was even thinner than Lori had been at the same stage. Dark bags under her eyes gave evidence to the never-ending exhaustion and worry that every member of the group now bore on a daily basis since Abraham's death.  
  
   Rick's chest tightened with self-loathing and frustration. He couldn't even protect his own family, couldn't defeat Negan or the Saviors. Every day he'd come up with a hundred different ways they could fight them, but each plan would eventually fall through somewhere along the line. The Saviors were just too powerful. This deal with Negan was, unfortunately, their best chance of survival.  
  
   “Rick.” Glenn cut in, eyeing the front gate.  
  
   Rick turned and felt his heart drop. Several of the Saviors' trucks were just pulling up, completely unannounced. _What the hell are they doing here?_

   “It hasn't even been a week yet, Rick. We don't have enough for another collection yet.” Maggie said. Glenn grabbed her hand and squeezed reassuringly.  
  
   Rick turned away, eyeing the trucks at the gate, “I'll talk to him. I'll take care of it.” His voice hadn't come out as confident as he'd intended. Honestly, he had no idea what to say, no idea what to do if Negan demanded more stuff. They had nothing left to give.  
  
   The gate rattled as Aaron slid it open, and in came Negan, Lucille resting across his shoulder as always. He was tailed by a small handful of Saviors, albeit a lot less than usual, including Simon who looked Rick up and down with a snide grin. Rick ignored him, instead trying to read into whether Negan was pissed or not. He couldn't quite tell yet, he never could with that man.

   “Rick!” Negan shot him a very fake smile, “Let's talk. We're friends, right?”

   “I'm not your _'friend'_.” Rick spat. There was no way in hell he wanted to be looped in with Negan, as a friend or anything else.

   Negan ignored his comment, “I need your help. These bastards fucking attacked me and my people on the road! Motherfuckers with W's on their dumb-ass foreheads.”

 _The Wolves are back?_ Rick tensed as Jessie and Sam's faces suddenly flashed before his eyes, their screams and cries echoing in his head. Rick shut his eyes, trying to rid himself of the horrifying images in his mind. So many people had needlessly died during the Wolves' attack. Could Alexandria even survive another one like that? Rick had trained the rest of Alexandria fairly well in combat and defense, but their numbers left a lot to be desired. If they lost many more....  
  
   “Shit.” Negan sighed, slowly shaking his head, “They fucked you too, huh?”  
  
   “Yeah.” Rick let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, forcing himself back into the present moment.  
  
   “Well, Rick. How about this; how about you and me, we go show those motherfuckers whose boss around here?”

 _Us? Working together? No way in hell._ Rick argued “We held up our end of the deal for the week. This isn't part of-”

   Negan cut him off, “Yeah, but, you see, Rick, if they keep stealing _my_ shit, I'll have to come take more of _your_ shit.”  
  
_Bastard._ Rick glared at him. Negan stepped closer, holding Lucille right up to the man's face, “Listen, Rick. _You_ work for _me_ now. I let you guys off pretty damn easy considering how many people you killed. The _least_ you could do is show a little decency and help me out. So what do you say... _friend?_ ” He smirked at the twitch in Rick's eye at the pet name. _Yep, definitely gonna keep calling him that._

   Rick sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. _I wanna smack that stupid smile off his damn face._ At least Negan was only asking for Rick to come, not any of the others in the group. If they couldn't defeat Negan yet, at least he could use the man to get rid of another major threat in the mean time. Plus, maybe Negan would go a little easier on them if Rick helped him out. Both would benefit from this.  
  
  “Fine.” Rick reluctantly agreed, his jaw clenched.  
  
   Negan's smile grew, “Good! Let's go, I have a lead.”  
  
   “What, right now? But why me?” Rick asked as he followed Negan to his truck. The Saviors tagged right behind him, always way too close for comfort. Especially Simon, who lingered nearby and watched him like a hawk the entire way to the truck.

   Negan glanced back at him, “Really, Rick, if you're going to work for me, I should at least get to know you a little. This is the perfect chance for us to bond, man to man.”

   Truth was, Negan knew full well he could do this on his own with a handful of his men, but why do that when he could force Rick to come along? It'd give him a chance to really get to know him finally and firmly cement the fact that he was in charge.  
  
   Rick huffed, sliding into the passenger seat. He already regretted agreeing to this.  
  
   Rick had hoped the drive would at least be quiet, but of course it wasn't. Whenever Negan was around, he was either incessantly yapping his mouth or blood was flying, or more than likely both. Of course this time was no exception.  
  
   “I can't believe these shitheads. Fucking ambush us on a run and fucking take our things. Despicable.” Negan complained as they sped down the open road. All the windows were rolled down, the sunlight warm on Rick's skin. The other Saviors followed close behind in their own trucks.

   Rick still had no idea where the hell they were going. Since they'd left Alexandria, Negan had done nothing but complain about the wolves rather than tell Rick anything even remotely useful.

   More than onceRick had been tempted to point out the irony of the whole situation, but instead decided to keep his mouth shut. It'd be best to stay on Negan's good side, at least just for now. Still, it amused him a little on the inside to know Negan was now dealing with the same exact shit he'd forced on everyone else _. Don't like the taste of your own medicine, do you Negan?_

   Negan glanced at him, “What about you, what'd they do to you? Same shit?”

   Rick still said nothing, not wanting to help any more than he was forced to.

   “Look, don't make me cut off your fucking hand or some shit, Rick. We can be civilized men, can't we?”

   “You? Civilized?” Rick scoffed, shooting him a glare.

   “We have a common fucking enemy. Just fucking tell me what the fuck you know so we can stop them.” Negan snapped, knuckles white on the steering wheel. He was simply trying to make conversation. Was Rick even aware how damn rude he could be?

   Rick turned back around to peer out the window, watching the trees pass by in a blur, “They call themselves the 'Wolves'. They attacked us a couple months ago. Broke the wall, brought in a herd of walkers. Killed a bunch of our own.”  
  
   He tried not to dwell on it, but it was difficult. The loss still affected all of them, the guilt eating away at Rick every time he stopped and thought about it. Especially whenever he looked at Carl's lost eye. _That's all my fault. I should've tried harder with Ron and Sam..._ Sometimes he still had vivid nightmares of Sam screaming as he was torn apart by the walkers. He'd wake up sweating, Jessie's sobs still ringing in his ears.

   Jessie... God, did he miss Jessie. Her smile, her voice, her kindness. She'd awoken feelings in Rick he hadn't felt since before the apocalypse. That was all ripped from him in an instant, and the Wolves were to blame. _At least now I can get my revenge._

   “Well ain't that a giant pile of some steamy fucking dog shit. God _damn_ those motherfuckers. _They_ are the reason we can't have a civilized world anymore.”

   Rick kept silent. _You're no better than them, Negan._  
  
   They turned down yet another long, empty road lined with woods on either side. It seemed like an ordinary road just like all the rest of them in the area, no building or anything in sight other than the road and trees. Where exactly were they going?  
  
   That question was answered just a few minutes later as Negan slowed down and pulled the truck over to the side of the road. Patches of dried blood still spotted the ground here, but all the bodies were long gone. Rick briefly wondered whether the walkers had devoured the bodies or if the Saviors had actually given them a proper burial. He decided he didn't really want to know.

   Negan shut off the engine and turned to Rick.  
  
   “We're here.”

 

 


	4. We're The Same

   Negan reached into the backseat for Lucille before getting out. _He doesn't go anywhere without that damn thing, does he?_ Rick eyed the specks of blood still left on the barbs and tried not to think of who it might've belonged to. With a resigned sigh, Rick followed Negan out of the car, gun in hand. _Let's get this over with._  
  
   The rest of their little group parked just behind them and followed the pair's lead.

   “This is where they attacked us. Ran like roaches. Fuckin' pussies.” Negan explained as he headed into the woods, using Lucille to beat aside branches.  
  
   Rick hung back a minute, letting some distance grow between himself and Negan. Slowly, he raised his gun, aiming it right at the back of Negan's head. _I could end it all now with one shot. To hell with the consequences, this is personal..._  
  
   Something ice cold was pressed against Rick's temple. From the corner of his eye, Rick could see Simon pointing a gun at him, “Wanna rethink what you're doing?”

   Rick did nothing, debating internally whether to shoot and give up his own life, or to simply wait. But what more perfect chance could he get then killing Negan right here and now while the man was turned away?

   Simon leaned in and whispered, “You shoot that gun and we'll make you watch us chop everyone you know into little pieces and you'll have to see _every_ grisly little detail. And your son? Oh, he's gonna get the _worst_ of it.”  
  
   Jaw clenched, Rick finally lowered his gun.

   Simon smiled and patted him on the back, “Good boy.”  
  


   The group made their way further into the overgrowth, pushing aside vines and branches that scratched them as they passed. Simon didn't take his eyes off Rick even for a moment, always hovering close by. Rick fought any urge to argue or attack him, knowing anything he did would be futile anyways. This would all go quicker if he obeyed their every whim, no matter how much he hated it.  
  
   A flash of light caught Rick's eye from afar. He approached it and knelt down, spotting something metallic buried among the leaves. He pushed them aside.

   “Look.” Rick's voice broke the silence as he pointed to the empty soup can on the ground, “This is recent. They went this way.”

   Negan grinned, “Well would you look at that. You really _are_ useful after all.”  
   
   Following the new trail, they soon stumbled upon a small clearing beyond the trees. Toward the back of this stood an old building completely overtaken by vines, the walls cracked and falling apart. The whole place was quiet, but the door was wide open.   
  
  Negan nodded to Simon, who led the Saviors inside, guns at their sides. Rick and Negan followed close behind them.  
  
   “There's nobody here.” Simon confirmed after a few moments, voice echoing through the empty room. Rick quickly scanned the building; there weren't even any weapons or supplies inside, not a single trace of human life. The whole place was completely deserted.

   Negan sighed, “Well ain't that a _bitch_.”  
  
   Rick chimed in, “Take a closer look around. There might-” he was suddenly tackled and shoved to the ground from behind. He narrowly missed the blade of the attacker's knife.   
  
   At first, Rick assumed it was one of the Saviors, and that this whole thing had been a set up, until he caught sight of the telltale W on the man's dirty forehead. A Wolf. A second later, Negan yanked the man off Rick and punched him in the face. Scrambling to his feet and taking the knife, Rick pinned the Wolf to the wall before he even had a chance to recover.

   “Where are the rest of your people?” Rick shouted in as intimidating a voice he could muster.

   The Wolf just let out a loud, hollow laugh, struggling to break free of his grip, but Rick was too strong.

   Three more men came running in then and the Saviors immediately opened fire on them. One collapsed as bullets shredded his torso, blood spraying across the floor. Another was shot in the shoulder, but he ignored it, focused on tackling Rick as the last Wolf targeted Negan.  
  
   Negan quickly overtook his own opponent, striking him first in the chest, then in the head with Lucille. The Saviors finished off the Wolf and he fell to the floor justamomentlater, limp and lifeless.

   Rick was struggling against the final two both at once. A knife grazed his hip, but he shoved the man away, sending him stumbling backwards. Negan grabbed hold of him and promptly snapped his neck.

   The last remaining Wolf turnedand lunged at Negan, but was shot down by Simon before he could even reach him. Finally, the group had a chance to breathe and think.

   “The rest should be near-.”Simon began.  
  
   “No.” Rick interrupted, “They weren't staying here. There's no supplies, no food or clothes. They were just scavenging.” he turned to Negan, “They took your things somewhere else, wherever it is they're staying. Have your men keep searching. I'll do the same.”  
  


* * *

   Rick's muscles ached as he and Negan rode back to Alexandria, the scrape in his hip stinging which each bump in the road. Thankfully it'd stopped bleeding, but it was still uncomfortable. _All that trouble, and nothing to show for it but an injury. What a waste of time._  
  
   “That was smart thinking back at that dump.” Negan broke the silence.

   “It was just logic.” Rick waved it off.   
  
   “More than a lot of my men got. They got more balls than they do brains, if you know what I mean. You were more helpful than I expected.”

   “Why _did_ you want me to go with you in the first place?” Rick asked, turning to him.

   “You still don't get it? We're _alike_ , Rick. We could make a damn good team if we work together. We're the same, we can be _friends_.”

   “Any chance of us being friends was destroyed a long time ago.” Rick growled, thinking back to that night in the woods, lined up with his group in the dirt. The terror, the screaming, the crying as Abraham was...

   “Is this all because of that macho redhead I killed?” Negan sighed, exasperated.

   “His name was Abraham. He was a _good_ man.” Rick retorted. How could Negan be so heartless talking about murdering a _human being_ as if it were nothing? And he expected Rick to be friends with him after what he'd done? It was unforgivable.

   Negan snapped, “Do you know how many fucking good men _you_ killed, Rick? How many of my friends you fucking slaughtered in their sleep? You should be thankful I didn't kill your whole fucking group, Rick. You have no fucking clue how badly I wanted to beat in that smug fucking face of yours... but I _didn't_.”

   A few seconds passed in silence, the tension so thick you could slice through it. After a long, drawn out sigh, Negan continued, “See, I can be a reasonable person, Rick. I can be completely fucking reasonable. If you had been in my place, what would you have done? You would've killed every fucking one of us, right?”

   Rick's throat felt tight. If the Saviors had come and killed his people in their sleep, and then he'd gotten them all lined up like that... there wouldn't have been a single damn person left breathing by the end of the night. There would've been no hesitation, just like there'd been none back in the church with Gareth's group, or at the satellite station...

   Rick's blood turned ice cold as he thought more and more about it. Negan was right. They really were the same. In fact, this man he so despised and loathed with every fiber of his being, had shown Rick's group mercy where Rick in turn, would have shown none if the roles had been reversed.

   Who was the real bad guy here?

 

 


	5. The Attack

   Two weeks passed without any sign of the wolves. Life continued on as normal as as it could under the given circumstances, Negan and the saviors promptly stopping by Alexandria each week to collect supplies. The group struggled to gather the amount demanded, but somehow always pulled through in the end. They'd even expanded the gardens to produce extra vegetables and fruit, which eased the stress a little, and Eugene was pouring his grief over Abraham into the production of bullets. Being the only community capable of manufacturing ammo gave Alexandria an extra advantage in their deal with the Saviors.  
  
  They'd collected the requested supplies, including tomatoes, apples, corn, canned beans and numerous boxes of ammo into a fair-sized pile of crates, which now sat on the road and patiently awaited the Saviors' collection.   
  
   Right on time, a horn honked just outside the walls and the front gate slid open, the Saviors' familiar trucks pulling into the community; the weekly reminder of all they'd lost, the reason behind the holes and shattered pieces of what used to be one big, happy family. What were they now? Just some strangers using each other to try and survive another week?

   They wordlessly piled the crates into the Saviors' trucks as if on autopilot, always eager to finish the job as swiftly as possible just to get the Saviors to leave sooner. Negan slammed the door of his own truck shut, and sauntered over to Rick, eyeing the crates being loaded into his truck with a satisfied grin plastered on his face.

   Negan whistled, nodding his head, “Now _that's_ what I like to see! You guys sure know how to please a man.” he leaned close to Rick, “Like a needy, desperate whore on free fuck day, except _every_ day is free fuck day for me.”  
  
   Rick kept quiet, refraining from shoving the man away. Instead, he opted to just glare at him, imagining all the awful things he wanted to do, but couldn't. It was all Rick could think about when Negan was around; shooting him, slitting his throat, or bashing his brains in with his own damn bat. The man seemed to bring out the absolute worst in everyone everywhere he went, and Rick was no exception. The real test was having the patience to not give in.  
  
   Negan smiled, “Lighten up, Rick. You did damn _good_ this week!” He finally backed away, Lucille slung over his shoulder, and grabbed an apple from one of the crates. He bit into it, and groaned, turning back to Rick. Smiling, he offered the apple up, “Want a taste? I think you earned it.”

   Rick still said nothing, silently praying for the monster of a man to just get in his truck and leave already and never return. Unfortunately, Rick was never let off quite that easy.  
  
   As Negan stepped forward, gunfire erupted from just beyond the walls, and the man operating the gate suddenly collapsed, blood pouring out of a bullet hole in his chest. The gate was left wide open, and everyone within the community went into panic mode.

   “What the fuck?” Negan hollered, as several of his men standing guard opened fire on an enemy he still couldn't see, “What the fuck is going on?”  
Nobody answered him.

   Then the wolves showed up. A whole new group of them, sprinting in through the open gate, armed with the very same guns they'd stolen from the Saviors.

   On instinct, Rick ducked behind a truck and pulled out his pistol, his heart beating a hundred miles a minute. As more and more wolves came running in, Rick tried to push down his panic and ease his racing mind, but his thoughts were bombarded by only the worst images and scenarios.   
  
   Most of the Wolves ran right past the Saviors and towards the houses, attacking anyone in sight. Without a gun, Negan was left to simply watch, scowling as one of the wolves sliced an unarmed woman's throat, leaving her to bleed out in the grass as he ran off. Disgusted, Negan gave chase, leaving Rick and his men behind to defend the front gate.

* * *

   Negan had known since the day the wolves ambushed him and his men out on the road that there'd be no redemption for these assholes. He'd watched two of his own men slaughtered right in front of him, tortured and not even put to rest. Now the woman in Alexandria just a moment ago. These rats had not a shred of dignity or honor and no morals; there was no way he'd make such pathetic excuses for humans his workers.

   It was in times like this, with the adrenaline coursing through his veins, when Negan actually felt alive again. There was not even the slightest bit of remorse, only joy as he snuck up from behind and brought Lucille down on the assholes' heads over and over, blood and brain matter splattering all over Negan's jacket, even across his face. He didn't even bother to wipe it away.

   Taking one of their fallen guns, Negan shot the legs of two more wolves running from him. Once they too were down, he continued along, making sure to step in the wolves' gorey remains as he passed them by.

   Negan rounded the next corner and suddenly froze.

_Well... shit._

* * *

 

   Carl was on the couch feeding Judith a bottle of milk when the doorknob began to rattle. Immediately he knew something was wrong; anybody from Alexandria would've knocked, and Rick had the only key. As quietly and as quickly as he could, Carl set the bottle of milk down on the table, and with Judith on his hip, ran for his room, snatching the pistol from the bedside table.

   The front door burst open with a loud thud and heavy footsteps trailed through the house. Cabinets were thrown open, cans pulled into bags the intruder had brought with him. Carl debated on attacking the burglar, but when Judith began to wiggle and fuss in his arms, he decided to take the safer option. They headed for the back door, easing it open and shut as gently as possible. Luckily, the intruder was too focused on his own task to notice.

   When the pair reached the outside, Carl was bombarded by the sounds of screaming and gunfire, the scent of gunpowder thick in the air. Carl kept to the sides of the buildings as he went along, desperately trying to think of where to go, what to do. What was the safest place for Judith? The church? The cell? One of the empty houses?

   Judith squirmed and opened her mouth, ready to cry. Heart racing, Carl rocked her lightly, whispering, “Shhh, Judy, we'll be okay. Please, shhhh.”

   Next thing he knew, they were cornered by two of the wolves, both aiming guns at him. One looked at him sideways, grinning at the baby in Carl's arms. Before Carl could react, that same Wolf suddenly collapsed, his head completely blown away, blood spraying all over Carl and Judith. The other Wolf turned and made a run for it, but a moment later he too crumbled when bullets ripped through his back.

   With a breath of relief, Carl turned, expecting to see Rick. Instead, he came face to face with the one person he despised the most in the world; Negan.

 


	6. Not That Evil

   Carl pointed the gun at Negan, “You did this!”

   Negan scowled, hands up in the air, “Why would I try to kill my own fucking workers? I hate these fucking cock-sucking Wolves as much as you shitheads.”

   Slowly, Carl lowered the gun. He still didn't trust Negan, not one bit, but the man had a point. The Saviors had a good deal with them, why mess that up now? Why attack their own people?  
  
   “Come on, kid. I'll take you two somewhere safe. Follow me.”

   “Why should I trust you?” Carl spat.

   Negan sighed, “If you want to be on your own and get yourself killed, be my fucking guest. If you want that baby to live, come with me. Last chance.”

   Carl hesitated, considering running in the opposite direction. Negan was the last person he wanted to be around, especially while he had Judith in his arms, but he ended up following the man anyway. The Wolves would kill them on the spot, but Negan would protect them... at least until the following week when supplies were demanded. For now, they were safe with him though, and that's what was important. Just getting through the day.

   Negan led them carefully between the houses, winding their way quickly through the neighborhood, Negan shooting the wolves that got too close. Finally, they discovered a house toward the back of Alexandria that seemed abandoned, empty of both residents and Wolves.

   Negan glanced around, making sure there were no Wolves nearby before kicking in the door, then quickly making a sweep of the first floor to make sure it was truly clear.

   “Stay here, I'll check the rest of the-”   
  
   “I'm not a kid, I can do it.” Carl snapped, shoving past Negan and heading toward the stairs.  
  
   “With a baby in your arms?” Negan scoffed.

   Carl paused. Negan was right. If he ran into trouble upstairs, Judith could get hurt. Yet, at the same time, he didn't trust Negan to clear the house; he could be setting up some kind of ambush.  
  
   There was no time for an argument, “Give her to me, then you can clear the rest of the house with those gigantic man-size balls you pretend to have.”

   With a resigned sigh, Carl handed over Judith. To his surprise and mild disappointment, Judith didn't cry or even squirm in Negan's arms. Instead, she curled up against him, clutching his jacket as if he were family. Carl shook his head and went upstairs, gun in hand.

   While Carl checked the upper floor, Negan made sure all the doors and windows on the first floor were locked and secured, then made his way with Judith to the basement. Thankfully, this too was clear, and as soon as Carl returned from upstairs, Negan brought him down.   
  
   They sat in that small, musky basement in silence, Judith sleeping soundly in Negan's lap. Every now and then more shots would fire from outside, but thankfully the Wolves never got into the house they were hiding in.

   Carl couldn't help but wonder what was happening outside. He wanted to leave the cramped basement and help his group defend themselves, but once again, didn't want to leave Judith alone with Negan. So instead, he remained planted to the spot, his body tense, a hundred questions racing through his mind. Had anyone he knew been hurt or even killed? Had the Wolves killed everyone already and taken over? Why had this attack happened now, of all days, at the same time the Saviors had come?

   “Why are you here?” Carl asked suddenly, glaring at Negan. There had to be some connection. Something he wasn't seeing.

   “Collecting the supplies you all so graciously found for me.”

   “No, I mean why are you _here_? In this basement, with us?”

   Negan sighed, “As much as I'd love to be out there kicking some deadbeat shithead's face in... I can't let them hurt a fucking _kid_. Right now protecting you and this little baby's much more important than getting my fucking revenge. My men can handle this.”

   Carl said nothing. While he detested being so close to Negan, he was also relieved to have some help defending Judith. If Negan hadn't been there to save them, Carl wasn't sure what might've happened to them, or if they'd even have survived the day. As much as he hated to admit it, he was grateful to have run into the man when he did.

  “Besides, saving Rick's kids just means he owes me that much more.” Negan added after a minute with a triumphant smirk on his face.   
  


* * *

  
    The screaming and gunfire finally died down after a while. Rick couldn't be absolutely sure, but he believed only about half of the wolves who'd come in actually escaped, bags full of food and precious medical supplies they'd stolen from the houses and infirmary. The rest were dead, bodies scattered around the neighborhood.

    Of the people of Alexandria, there were only three casualties. Nobody Rick was close to personally, and it was considerably a lot less than the fatalities of the last attack. They'd trained the Alexandrians well. Two saviors had also been killed in their defense, and Rick wasn't sure how Negan was going to react to that. He wasn't too eager to find out, either.

    More important than that, however, was finding Carl and Judith. When Rick stopped by the house to check on them, nobody was home. Now he was starting to panic, his pulse racing as he ran down the street shouting, “Carl! Has anybody seen Carl?”

    “Rick.” Glenn cut in. When Rick turned to him, Glenn nodded towards a couple figures heading their way. At first, Rick couldn't make out their faces, but as they got closer, their identities became clear.

   It was Carl and Negan. Rick ran towards them, veins boiling when he noticed Judith cradled in Negan's arms.

   “What did you do?” Rick growled, giving Carl a quick once-over, but seeing nothing wrong with him.

   “I didn't fucking do anything.” Negan scowled as Rick snatched Judith from him. Rick heaved a sigh of relief, kissing Judith's forehead, holding her close. _Thank God you're okay..._

   After a moment, Rick turned back to Negan, opening his mouth to say something until Carl cut in, “He saved us, Dad. He didn't hurt us.”

   “I would _never_ fucking hurt kids, Rick.”   
  
   Standing there in front of Negan, Rick found himself at a complete loss for words. He was still shaken by the attack, but beyond relieved that the kids were okay. He couldn't believe it was Negan who had saved them, but if Carl claimed it was true, and that they hadn't been hurt, then he had to trust it. Negan watched him, gauging his reaction, mentally daring him to say something rude. He never did.

   Next thing they knew, they were surrounded by the Saviors, the tense stare-down finally interrupted. Dwight stepped forward, breaking the bad news to Negan, “Mitch and Luke were shot. They're dead.”

   Negan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Christ. Okay. Let's get the fuck out of here. They'll fucking pay for this when we find them.”  
  
   “What about the rest of your stuff? Supplies...” Rick said.

   Negan waved him off, “Those bastards just fucked you motherfuckers up pretty fucking good. Don't worry about it, just make sure you got plenty of shit for me next week.”

   Carl came to stand beside Rick as Negan and the Saviors returned to their trucks. Carl eyed Negan's back as the man walked away. Rick frowned, “You tell me if he did something.”

   “He really didn't. He _saved_ me and Judith. We wouldn't be here if he hadn't found us.” Carl replied, still just as confused and shocked as his father was.  
  
    Neither said anything after that, watching as Negan got into his truck and shut the door. Rick couldn't shake the nagging feeling that he should say something to Negan. Like he owed him for saving Carl and Judith. After a moment, he handed Judith off to Carl before running over to Negan's truck.

    Negan rolled down the window, “This better be fucking worth my time.”

   “I just... wanted to thank you. For protecting Carl... and Judith.”

   Negan's expression softened slightly. He thought for a moment before saying, “You know, I'm really not as evil as you think I am, Rick. I'm truly not.”

   Without another word, the truck pulled away, and Aaron slid open the gate as the convoy departed. With the Saviors finally gone, the group turned their focus to burying the dead, and repairing all the damage the wolves had caused.

 

 


	7. Interesting Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hypocritical homophobic language to ensue. Obviously not my personal views, just Negan being Negan.

   When the Saviors' trucks pulled into the community the following week, Rick was torn. There was still the familiar anger that flared up in his gut every time he saw that damn bat in Negan's hand. It always caused painful memories of that night in the woods to flash into the forefront of his mind, forcing him to relive over and over again all the awful things he fought so hard to forget. The screaming. The blood. Abraham...

    Yet Rick couldn't forget that Negan had saved Carl and Judith from the Wolves just the week before. That's the one thing he kept getting hung up on.  
  
    Rick wanted to cling to his hatred and anger, but another part of him held a bit of...dare he even say it... _respect_ for Negan. After all this time, Negan had had a point. Negan had shown Rick and his group mercy, despite them murdering so many of his men, where Rick would not have been so merciful had the situation been reversed. Negan had even saved his kids during the attack when he didn't have to. Negan could've used that opportunity during the chaos to kill anyone he wanted to, even Rick himself, but instead he'd helped defend the community and actually saved people.

   Where did that leave Rick? What was he supposed to feel? Should he keep trying to look for ways to undermine the man? Should he fight or should he just accept his fate, this new life serving Negan? Should he be bitter or should he be appreciative for the mercy shown to him and his group?

   “So... _Prick_.” Negan smirked, bat resting on his shoulder, “What _interesting_ things have you got for me this week?”  
  
   As everyone else set to loading up the trucks, Aaron stepped forward, holding an old mp3 player. “This interesting enough?”

   Negan took it, eyebrows raised in surprise when the screen actually turned on. After a quick glance through the immense song selection, he turned his attention back to Aaron, “I like you. You're easy, straight to the point. You don't give me that damn stink eye Rick's always shooting me. I don't believe I caught your name.”  
  
  “Aaron.”  
  
  “Aaron. Now, did _you_ find this for me?”

  “No, my b... My friend Eric had it. Had Eugene fix it up for you.” Aaron gulped, inwardly cursing himself for his mistake.

  Unfortunately, the little blunder wasn't lost on Negan. He smirked, “Please, we're all friends here. No need to censor yourself. Your... what? I'd bet my left nut you were gonna say something other than 'friend'.”

  Aaron shifted uncomfortably, avoiding Negan's gaze. He knew he wasn't getting out of this, so he swallowed his pride and said, “Eric is my... boyfriend.”

  Some of the nearby saviors burst into chuckles at the confession while Negan just grinned,eyebrows raised in surprise, “I gotta tell you Aaron, I _never_ would've pegged you for a fag.”

   Aaron fidgeted, saying nothing. It was like being back in middle school all over again, getting picked on by all the bullies in the higher grades. Except this time the bullies all had machine guns and he wouldn't be able to fight back without losing his life in the process.

   Rick quickly intervened, “Negan, I have something we should talk about.”

   Negan nodded, “Oh? What's that Rick? Oh and Aaron – tell your fuck-buddy we are sure going to enjoy this.” he finished with a wink. Aaron awkwardly nodded before heading home, all too eager to be out of the Saviors' presence. Negan handed the mp3 player over to Dwight before turning back to Rick, waiting for an explanation.  
  
   “We spotted the wolves at an old church just a couple days ago while out on a run. It's about 15 miles west from here.”

   Negan gave him a look, “That so?” Today was turning out to be a _very_ interesting day indeed. Negan turned to his men, “Dwight, you take some men and scope out this place he's talking about, we'll catch up in a bit. Joey, you and the others take _my_ stuff back home.”

   “Yes Sir.” They said in unison as they turned and walked away.

   Now alone, Negan grinned at Rick, wrapping an arm around the man's shoulder as they headed for his truck, “Let's go for a ride.”  


* * *

  
   Negan let Rick drive this time, leading them to the church he had mentioned. A handful of the Saviors had gone ahead, following the directions Rick offered them. Fortunately, the ride wouldn't be too long, and hopefully today they'd have better luck than their previous attempt to catch the wolves. He just wanted it to be over and done with already.

   Rick tried to have some patience with Negan. The man had saved his kids after all, but the comments to Aaron earlier had been completely uncalled for. Surprising? Not at all, but still uncalled for. He tried to just let it go, but of course, Negan had to open his damn mouth again, “Those two from earlier... Aaron and Eric was it...” Negan chuckled, “I'll be honest, I've seen Eric before, and he was pretty damn obvious with how fucking _flamboyant_ he is, and that voice? Oh. My. God. But Aaron? That is fucking _classic_.”  
  
   Rick clenched his jaw, biting back the retort he knew would get him into a heap of trouble. He wanted to stay on Negan's good side for now, knowing everything would run much smoother this way. So instead of punching the man, he simply kept quiet. As always.

   “What about you?”

   Rick gave him a sideways look, genuinely confused by the question.

  “Well? Have you ever knocked swords with another man? Taken it up the ass, maybe? Hell, maybe you _like_ being dominated.” Negan smirked at the image in his head. _Certainly would explain a lot._

   Rick took a moment to consider his options. Should he keep quiet? Should he go ahead and entertain Negan a bit, to maintain his progress getting on Negan's good side? Maybe Negan would lay off Aaron and Eric if he made himself a target. Rick could handle the taunts aimed at himself, but he couldn't take the ones aimed at his family.

  “There was... one or two times in high school.” Rick couldn't fight the smirk. Oh, yes, those had been the good days, long before the apocalypse, long before he'd ever met Lori. Maybe there were a lot more 'times' than just once or twice, and maybe even a serious boyfriend or two, but Negan really didn't need to know all the details.

   Negan let out a loud laugh, “Really? High and mighty Rick Grimes, secretly a faggot in disguise? Holy _fuck_.”

   “You?”  
  
   Negan smiled, “Straight as a fucking rod.”

   Rick wasn't too sure how much he believed the man. Negan would undoubtedly lie to cover his ass just to seem cooler and more powerful than anyone around him. He had a feeling this was one of those times.  
  
   “Had prissy ass guys like you and Aaron chasing me all throughout high school. Beat their asses to a pulp. You know, my men would get a kick of beating the holy hell out of those two queer assholes in Alexandria.”  
  
   “Shut the hell up.” Rick regretted saying it as soon as it left his mouth.

   Negan immediately rounded on him, “Excuse the fuck out of me, Prick. I didn't realize you were the one in charge. I've been nothing but kind to you. I even went out of my way busting my balls to save your goddamn kids.”

   Rick's knuckles were white on the steering wheel. Sometimes he really couldn't stand the man beside him. Most of the time, actually.

   “Stop the car, Rick.” Negan ordered. He had to fight to keep his expression neutral. He'd just hatched the perfect punishment, the ultimate way to prove his power over the man beside him. Apparently Rick needed regular reminders of who was boss, but Negan was more than happy to provide them.

   Saying nothing, Rick parked the car and shut off the engine. Why were they stopped? They were almost to the church. What the hell was Negan about to do to him?

   “Look at me.”

   Rick glared at him, wondering what he had in mind.

   “I'll give you a chance to make up for your rude ass outburst just now, if you do one simple thing for me.” Negan said, surprisingly calm.  
  
   Rick waited, dreading whatever he was about to say.

   “Kiss me.”

 

 


	8. Backfire

   It took a minute for what Negan had said to really register in Rick's mind.He just couldn't believe what he'd just heard. It was the absolute last thing he'd ever expect to come from Negan, especially with the way he'd been talking all day. Rick shook his head in disbelief, still unable to say anything. Maybe it was just a joke. Hopefully.

   “Don't give me that damn deer-in-the-headlights look, Rick. You obviously don't mind getting a little frisky with another man, and I'm just a little curious why there's so damn many of you fags running around still. So why don't you show me what's so damn appealing about it?” Negan growled, watching the way Rick squirmed in his seat the more he talked. He loved making the prick so damn uncomfortable; the guy seriously made it way too easy, “We haven't got all day, Rick. Do I need to show you how serious I am? Do I need to go beat the shit out of someone else? Get on with it.”

   Rick tried to push down his anger, taking a moment to breathe and calm himself before saying, “Okay... okay.”

   Slowly, with knees weak and hands trembling, Rick leaned forward, hoping Negan would stop him at the last moment and laugh it off. It didn't happen. Negan just watched him, dead serious as Rick inched closer and closer. Every fiber of Rick's being protested against this, but he knew he had to do it. _Fuck it, let's just get it over with. Just pretend its someone else._  
  
   Eyes shut, Rick closed the rest of the distance in one swift movement, planting his lips against Negan's. At first, Negan didn't respond, shocked that Rick actually went through with it just because he'd told him to. The fact that he held this power over Rick, this guy who was supposed to be the fearless leader of the new world, was intoxicating. Negan wanted to push Rick's discomfort a little further, so he went along with it, reciprocating the kiss with a mix of curiosity and mischievousness.

   What neither of the men expected were the sparks of electricity that pulsed through them when their lips met. They fit together like puzzle pieces made specifically for each other, moving in perfect synchronization. Both men too enveloped to pull away but too stubborn to ever admit any ounce of enjoyment.

   Negan slowly reached up and laced his fingers through Rick's hair. Partly because he was sure it would grind Rick's gears even more, but also partly because, well... he wanted to. Instinct urged him to pull the man closer and deepen their kiss. It was so _different_ from kissing any of his wives, but not any less fun. Rick's mind screamed to pull away, but he couldn't. He was enjoying it way too much, the sweet taste of Negan's mouth, the smell of his cologne, the sound of his heavy breathing when he finally did pull away.

   Then Negan's fingers were gone and the clearing of a throat brought Rick back to reality. Rick swallowed the lump of shame in his throat, pulling away fully while avoiding Negan's eyes. _Straight as a rod, my ass._ He couldn't believe he'd actually gone through with that, and how far they'd allowed it go. Disappointment and self-loathing burned him from the inside, hands shaking as he put them back on the steering wheel. _Just what Negan wanted. To humiliate me. And I fell for it._

   Negan shifted in his seat, pretending to straighten out his jacket, “As much as I love making you my bitch, we have a lead to investigate.”

   Rick nodded, heart slamming against his chest as he turned on the engine and finally they were on the road again.  
  
   Negan stared out the window, silently cursing himself for letting his plan to make Rick miserable backfire on him so badly. And no, he most certainly did _not_ enjoy the kiss... or so he tried to convince himself.  
  


* * *

  
   The rest of the ride to the church passed in an awkward silence, both of them lost in thought. Rick almost missed Negan's obnoxious chatter, deciding he actually would prefer that over the tension now hanging over them.

   When they arrived at the church, the Saviors were already there, trucks lined up alongside the road, and Rick parked Negan's truck just behind the rest of them. Rick sighed in relief as he stepped out of the car, finally escaping the tense proximity to Negan.

   Weapons in hand, Negan and Rick both made their way into the church, where they were greeted by Dwight at the entrance, “Nothing here, Negan.”

   Negan sighed heavily, “Spread out into the woods. There must be something.”  
  
   “Already have. We only found this.” Dwight pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket, handing it to Negan.

   As Negan unfolded the paper, Dwight shot Rick a cold stare that immediately made him tense up in suspicion. Did whatever was on this paper have something to do with him, or someone he knew? What was really going on here? From what Aaron had told him, this place had been swarming with Wolves just days before. Where could they have gone? Why couldn't anything just run smoothly? How long would this game of cat-and-mouse continue?

   Negan rounded on Rick, holding up the paper as he shouted, “Is this some fucking joke, Rick?”

   “I had nothing to do with this,” Rick growled, snatching the paper from him. It read: _Game over,_ _shitheads!_

   “Negan.” Simon piped up, just returning from the search outside, “Something you need to see.”

   Negan and Rick quickly followed him outside, praying for a break in their bad luck. A captured Wolf, a clue, _anything_ that would help them.. Instead, they were hit with even more bad news. Simon pointed upwards, where thick, black clouds of smoke were rising above the trees into the sky.

   Dwight asked, “Isn't that the direction of the Sanctuary?”

   Negan roared, “Everybody in your goddamn trucks. Get the fuck over there and see what the fuck's going on. You,” He grabbed Rick by the arm as he returned to his own truck, “You're coming with me.”

   “I didn't do this-” Rick argued, knowing exactly how the situation looked.

   “So somebody just decided to attack our home _coincidentally_ after you drag my ass out here on a fucking 'lead'? Whatever you've done, Rick, you're going to fucking pay.” Negan shouted venomously as he shoved Rick into the passenger seat and slammed the door.

   It _was_ quite the coincidence. Rick prayed this really was just a coincidence, and not the work of anyone he knew. The group didn't need any more trouble than they were in already.

 

 


	9. New Arrangements

   What they found when they reached the Sanctuary was utter devastation.

   Black smoke billowed into the sky from inside the building, strong enough that Rick could taste it on the back of his throat. All the windows were shattered, walls blown apart. The impaled walkers once used as defense now roamed free, joined by hundreds of others piling into the area from each and every direction, an ocean of walkers as far as the eye could see.  
  
   The unfolding scene was sickeningly familiar to Rick, like a vivid flashback of the prison after the Governer's attack. He almost expected to see the man there with his tank and little army of men with guns, but of course he wasn't. No, their new enemies were much worse, more intimidating, more threatening. And the main player pulling all the strings just so happened to be sitting beside him in the drivers' seat. Rick briefly pondered what might've happened had Negan and the Governor met  
  
   Negan fumed, mumbling incoherent vulgarities as he stormed out of the truck, using Lucille to bash in the heads of any walkers in his way as he headed toward the gate. The Saviors followed him closely, shooting down the walkers as they went. Rick couldn't help but notice how impeccable their aim and efficiency was as a team. His group in Alexandria used to be just like that... not so much anymore. Not since the night at the Satellite Station.  
  
   Rick defended the group from behind, always keeping one eye on Negan. He knew this could be his last chance to shoot the man, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. After all, the Saviors had helped Alexandria with the wolves, wouldn't it be fair to help them too? All he could see was Carl walking beside Negan, Judith cradled safely in the man's arms after the attack on Alexandria.

   Besides, even beyond all that, there was no way for Rick to know there weren't other Saviors currently waiting outside Alexandria that very moment. If he shot Negan now, all it would take was one word on a walkie-talkie to get those other Saviors to slaughter every one in Alexandria, including Carl and Judith. So Rick continued defending them instead, covering them from behind.

   As they fought their way inside, the true cause of the devastation quickly became apparent; the Wolves were there, collecting food, weapons and anything else useful they could find. At first, Rick couldn't figure out why the Wolves weren't being grabbed by the walkers that swarmed all around them, but then his heart dropped when he noticed the blood and guts deliberately strewn across the Wolves' clothing. _Wonder where they got_ that _idea from.._

   The Wolves themselves all got away unscathed, Rick and the Saviors too busy killing walkers to reach them or give them too much attention. With each attack, the Wolves seemed to grow more and more coordinated. Smarter. More ruthless. Negan eyed them with a burning hatred that grew more and more each second. Rick regarded them with a disgust that now mixed with a twinge of amusement. He found the whole situation ironic, as though the wolves had been tools of committing some cosmic justice for the Saviors' karma. If the situation weren't so dire, he probably would've laughed.

   Everything the Saviors owned had been stolen from others, but now they'd had everything stolen from them.Even so, Rick didn't let himself get too hopeful in the midst of their current misfortune.

   Many of the Saviors who had stayed behind had been shot, or were being eaten by walkers right in front of them. The group saved as many of them as they could, helping the survivors pile into all the extra trucks and cars available, but their numbers were only a fraction of what they used to be. Yet they were still far too many for Alexandria to fight. The compound may have been their main hub, but there were more outposts, more places like the satellite station. Rick knew they were still far outnumbered.

   Eventually they had to give up their salvaging mission, for every second that passed, the fires were spreading, attracting more and more walkers. The group was forced to turn around, returning to the trucks and heading out before they could end up trapped and overwhelmed.

   “How the fuck did this happen?” Negan shouted at one of the survivors they'd saved, who was now slumped over in the backseat. The man visibly cowered under Negan's attention.

   “Th-those crazy people a-ambushed one of our runners. Stole the trucks, used them to break in. Everything happened s-so fast.”

   “You guys didn't fucking _stop_ them? What the fuck were you doing, jacking each other off in the bathroom? Fucking useless.” Negan spat.

   The man in the backseat knew better than to respond.  
  
   Negan spoke again, “I have an idea.” He shot Rick that shit eating grin he was so notorious for, “We're gonna stay with you. Oh yes, we'll get to be _neighbors_. Then I get to see your pretty little face every day, how about that, Rick? Oh this is actually _exciting_.”  
  
   Rick's stomach twisted itself into a tight, painful knot. He suddenly didn't see the humor in the situation any more. __  
  


* * *

  
Carl knew it'd been far too long since Rick left with the Saviors. He wondered if Negan hadn't taken Rick aside and just killed him. Carl prayed that wasn't so. What would happen if it did? Who would take charge of Alexandria?

   Carl sat on the porch with Judith on his lap as they waited for Rick's return. He watched the gate like a hawk. Others from the group walked right past him without a word or even a glance, as indifferent to him as much as they were to Rick's absence. They all felt like strangers now, unfamiliar to him even in their daily proximity. Ever since Negan's arrival, the whole group dynamic had changed and disintegrated, and Carl wasn't sure that connection could ever be repaired. Too much had changed. Too much had been lost.

   He'd heard the nasty things people said behind Rick's back. Everyone was unhappy, that wasn't surprising. But many disagreed with the choices Rick had made, and that's the main cause of the rift opening up and dividing everyone. Some voiced their disagreement, some said nothing at all. It's the ones who did voice their opinions and acted on them that were the most concerning. Carl was suspicious of them, wondering what plots and schemes they had in mind. Would they attempt something behind Rick's back and start a war? Would they try to overthrow Rick, or even kill him?  
  
   These disagreements and secrets only added to the tension of the whole situation they'd found their selves forced into. Instead of joining together as a group to get through this rough patch, they'd all turned against each other instead, and Carl found that very depressing. His family was not a family anymore.

   At first, Carl agreed with their wishes for a counter attack against the saviors, but now he wasn't not so sure. He knew Rick was doing the best he could, and their chance of winning against the Saviors would be unimaginably slim if not impossible. Even if they did win, how much would it cost? Who else would die? At what point do you draw the line and agree to sacrifice your freedom in exchange for the lives of everyone you care about?

   Carl was just as torn about the whole thing as everyone else was. Just like his father, he was torn about Negan too. He couldn't stop wondering why Negan saved him and Judith, and what he was going to demand as payment for that. Negan did nothing for free, Carl knew that much. Carl also couldn't stop wondering why Rick had been gone so damn long.   
  
   Relief flowed through him when the gate finally slid open, but just as quickly as it arrived, it evaporated the second Rick stepped out of the truck. The man was covered in blood, and the dark expression on his face was a clear affirmation that something very, _very_ bad was about to happen.

 

 


	10. Maybe

   To say Rick wasn't thrilled about the situation would be a huge understatement. The satisfaction he'd felt over watching the Saviors' base be destroyed was completely overridden by the realization that Negan and the Saviors would now be living in Alexandria right alongside him and his kids. Now they'd have to deal with Negan _every single day._  
  
   Rick spent the entire ride back to Alexandria wondering what the reactions of everyone in the community would be. There would be anger and shock, of course, but would there be defiance? Would there be argument? He prayed nobody would try something stupid, that nothing crazy would happen. He'd been through enough crazy shit for one day. Hell, even for a lifetime.

   Dread pooled in his gut as the gate to Alexandria slid open and they made their entrance. Negan shot Rick a smile, “Time for a little family reunion!”  
  
   Many people came out of their houses, drawn out by the all the noise, to see what was happening. Rick heaved a sigh before opening the door to the truck and stepping out. All eyes snapped to him, silently asking, _what the hell is going on?_

   He averted their gaze as Negan stepped up beside him.   
  
   “Nice to see you all again. There's been a change of plans.”

   More people gathered around, waiting to hear what was in store.

   Negan grinned, “I'm sure you all remember the fuckers who stole all your shit a couple weeks ago. Killed a few of your own... Well, they've done it _again_. Came in and destroyed my home, killed a shit ton of innocent people, including my super hot wives. Amber. Tonya. Frankie. Sherry.” Negan glanced toward Dwight as he said her name. Dwight looked away, staring at the ground withbrows furrowed.

   Negan turned back to the Alexandrians, “So I thought, 'hey, why not just move in with you fine folk'? Since Rick-” He wrapped an arm around Ricks shoulders and smiled, “-and I decided to team up against those shitheads anyways.”  
  
   Rick could feel the accusatory glares of everyone on him, burning into his skin like invisible lasers. He wanted to shout. _This wasn't my idea!_

   “Now, I'm a reasonable guy. So I'm gonna change our deal a little bit here. I'll be taking half your shit as it comes in, no more of this weekly collection bullshit. But, I do still expect a good amount of shit each week. Everyone's gotta work. Sitting on your fucking asses every day is not gonna fucking fly here. So...”

   Everyone exchanged awkward glances, allowing it all to sink in. Thankfully, nobody argued, or pulled out any weapons. They simply listened and waited.

   Negan shouted, “How about a ' _thank you_?'”   
  
   Nobody responded. Finally, it was Rick who jumped in and said, “Thank you.”

   Negan turned to him, “Really? Your people really have a lot to learn about manners, Rick. Now... let's go see my new vacation home!”  
  
   Negan already knew exactly which house he wanted. He lead Rick and the Saviors straight to the house he'd taken refuge with Carl and Judith in during the Wolves' attack. It sat there, completely untouched since that day. Just as he remembered it.

   “Arat, go fetch me some of that vodka they got stored with the rations. Then come and stand guard. You and Dwighty-boy can switch out in the morning and evenings. Dwight, you and some of your men take those couple of empty houses over there. The rest of you spread out into the outposts.”

   “Yes, Sir.” They all said in unison before turning and heading all their separate ways.

   Negan turned to Rick, “You know why I chose this house, Rick?”  
  
   Rick honestly didn't know. He saw nothing special about the house. It was no better or worse than all the other ones in the community. Most of all, Rick was just surprised that Negan hadn't demanded to stay with him in his own house just for the kick of it, “No... Why?”

   “This is where me and your kids hid while you all were getting bent over and fucked in the ass by those Wolves.” Negan said with an enthusiastic grin, throwing his arms in the air.

 _Of course it is. He's never going to let me forget that._  
  
   “Well, it's been nice talking. See you in the morning, _neighbor_.” Negan winked before heading inside. Rick stood there, glaring at the front door for a minute before turning and heading home himself. _I still can't believe this is_ _really_ _happening. Negan_ _living_ _here with us..._  
  
   Everything finally in order, Negan plopped on to the couch with the bottle of Vodka Arat brought by just a few minutes after Rick's departure. Surrounded by nothing but the encroaching silence now, Negan really wished he had one of his wives around to fuck. It truly was a damn shame to lose them. He couldn't say he'd loved them, but they had kept him... entertained.

   He took another sip of his drink. _Maybe I can find some girls in Alexandria that'll fall for my charm... nah. Every single person here wants to skewer my ass over a damn bon-fire._  
  
   Hours slipped by as Negan drank himself into a haze. He tried to keep his focus on what the Saviors needed to do now. How to rebuild and replace all they'd lost. First, they had to kill the Wolves. Then they needed to find a new base and re-establish the point-system so they could restore order. Maybe after all that was done, he could find himself some new wives to keep him company. Until then, they had an enemy to focus on obliterating.  
  


* * *

  
   Rick gradually grew used to Negan's constant presence. Each day he found himself less and less bothered by the crude jokes and fowl language. Negan could even be funny on occasion, and Rick really hated not being able to stifle his laugh. It felt wrong to laugh at anything the man said, as if laughing was somehow an admittance that Negan was right and they were alike.   
  
   All the major decisions were made by Negan now and there was no room for argument or defiance. Not with the Saviors constantly watching the Alexandrians' every move every minute of every day. They couldn't organize any kind of revolt or fight even if they wanted to.  
  
   Rick was, more often than not, gone on supply runs with either Aaron or Michonne. Negan, on the other hand, spent a lot of his time out with the Saviors searching for the Wolves or overseeing collections from the other groups they still maintained deals with. It was those in between moments and evenings when both men were in Alexandria at once that Rick dreaded the most, and yet Negan looked the most forward to.   
  
   What Negan really wanted was to get to know his former rival better. They could be the perfect power duo, if only Rick would give him a chance. It felt like Rick had built ten-mile high walls to keep him out, and it was proving exceedingly difficult to break those down. There were times when Negan thought he'd finally gotten through to Rick, that the man finally saw how alike they were and how good they could be as a team, but there was always still that invisible divide between them Negan could never seem to cross no matter how hard he tried.  
  
   So he did the next best thing; he decided to visit Carl and Judith. They were Rick's whole world, and Negan knew they were the key to getting through to Rick. Besides, they were just kids after all, and he was genuinely curious to their well-being anyways.

   While Rick was gone on a run, Negan snuck over to his house. Carl wasn't very happy about it, but he did let Negan hold Judith after just a little convincing. The trio spent the remainder of the evening in the living room, Negan attempting to make some light conversation while Carl offered nothing but short, vague answers, suspiciously eyeing him in that special way only he could master.

   When Rick came home to find Negan holding Judith instead of Carl, every nerve in his body screamed in protest. Yet it was hard for that fear to maintain itself when Negan was busy making silly faces at Judith and making her giggle uncontrollably. It was a soft side of Negan Rick never even thought existed. Carl caught Rick's eye from across the room and shrugged.

   When Negan finally did turn to Rick, he let out a long, drawn out sigh, “There's that damn look again. Nice to fucking see you too.”

   Rick held out his hands toward Judith, but Negan turned away, keeping Judith out of his reach, “Ah, ah... I'm not done visiting the precious little angel.”   
  
   Rick let his arms fall back to his sides, defeated. There was no point in arguing over it; Negan was still in charge after all, and there was no way he was going to risk pissing off the guy while he was holding his baby.

   “Please, Rick, you can at least _try_ and hide your distaste. I don't know what the fuck's got your panties all up in a twist anyways, she wouldn't even be here if it weren't for me. Ain't that right, Darling?” Judith laughed at his big grin, completely oblivious to what he was saying. Rick couldn't help but smile at her joy.  
  
   As days passed by, Rick discovered his initial fears over Negan being around his kids were completely unfounded anyways. Negan may be evil at times, but he was actually surprisingly protective of Judith and Carl. He absolutely loved spending time with Rick's kids; they reminded him of the ones he always wanted but never had.  
  
   One night, Rick came home to find Negan asleep on the couch with Judith laying on his chest, sleeping soundly. Negan had one arm swung protectively around her. Rick paused in the doorway, taking a minute to simply observe them, a warm feeling spreading throughout his chest. They both seemed so at peace in the silence of sleep, it almost felt like a crime to disturb them.

   Rick wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he was starting to think maybe Negan wasn't _so_ bad. Maybe, just maybe... this arrangement would work out. Maybe they really could become teammates or friends of some sort, even if that path proved to be a long, rocky road.  
  


* * *

  
   Negan wasn't surprised when Carl opened the door when he knocked, nor was he surprised by how Carl's face fell, expression darkening when he saw who it was. No matter how many times he showed up, he was always given the same damn reaction.

   An eyebrow raised as Carl looked at the various items Negan had piled in his arms. He'd even forgone Lucille in favor of boxes of pasta and a bag of flour among other things.

   “I want spaghetti, and there's too much for just one person. I figured I'd come over and share with the town sheriff.”  
  
   “Dad's not home. He's helping with the walls.” Carl said, emotionless. _Still trying to keep up that badass reputation I see._

   “That's alright. We'll surprise him then. You gonna let me in?”

   Carl rolled his eye and stepped aside, opening the door fully for him.

   Negan grinned as he passed the boy and immediately headed for the kitchen, “Your dad ever teach you how to cook?” That was another thing Negan really enjoyed about Alexandria. There were proper, spacious kitchens to cook in. Kitchens in real homes that weren't damp and dark like the Sanctuary had been. Very few people knew about Negan's talent for cooking, but Rick and Carl were about to discover it first hand.

   “No.” Carl said without any enthusiasm.

   Negan shook his head, setting everything down on the counter, “Wash your hands and grab a rolling pin. I'll teach you how to make the best damn garlic bread you'll ever have in your whole life. Ladies love a man that can cook.” He finished with a wink.  
  
  
   When Rick returned to Alexandria and stepped through his front door, he was genuinely surprised to be hit with the scent of marina sauce and garlic. Those were things he hadn't smelled in a very, _very_ long time. It reminded him of his childhood and his parents, the life he had long before everything went to shit. Those memories felt so surreal in light of the life they had now.  
  
   When he walked into the dining room, he was greeted by a completely set dinner table, a big bowl of spaghetti sitting right in the middle alongside a plate of garlic bread and a pitcher of lemonade.

   Judith was sitting on Carl's lap, falling asleep. Negan sat beside them, shooting Rick a big smile, “Welcome home, _honey_. Me and the serial killer made dinner. Figured you'd be starving after a long day at work.”  
  
   Jokes aside, the man was right. Rick was famished, and the smell of the food only emphasized it, coaxing a loud rumble from his stomach. Negan watched him eagerly as he took a seat, waiting to see his reaction. The thought occurred to Rick that Negan may have poisoned the food, but Rick quickly shoved away the idea. He knew better. Negan liked his murders a little more dramatic than a simple poisoning. 

   When Rick took the first bite, he was delightedly shocked at how delicious everything was. He glanced upward, and his eyes locked with Negan's from across the table. Negan smiled at him with a triumphant gleam in his eye as Rick nodded in thanks. It was a smile that burned itself into Rick's brain and he couldn't quite figure out why.   
_Yeah. Maybe this could work. Just maybe..._

 

 


	11. Nothing But A Monster

   Negan found it easy in Alexandria to occasionally forget that they were in the middle of an apocalypse. Just like Alexandria, the Sanctuary had had running water and electricity, but every time he went outside he could always hear the constant growling of those walkers stuck on the fence. Alexandria didn't have that. He could go outside and even walk around the neighborhood all day and never hear a single growl. It was so easy to pretend the walkers weren't there and everything was completely normal.

   The tranquility of Alexandria was both a blessing and a curse at once. The days he found himself without anything to do gave him way too much time to think. Too much time for memories and feelings to creep up on him that he absolutely refused to deal with.

   So he shoved all that useless shit deep inside, tossed away the empty beer bottle and forced himself up out of his chair to go find Rick. What else did he have to do now anyways? All his wives were dead, his home destroyed. Rick and his stink eye helped him forget all that.  
  
   “Where's Rick?” Negan decided to ask Carl first. The boy was one of the very few people in Alexandria that didn't tremble and cower just from being near him. Most of the Alexandrians spent the better part of their days avoiding him as best they possibly could, but Carl didn't. In fact, the boy made a point to show him he wasn't scared. Negan loved that. He admired the boy and his fearlessness.

   “He's out scavenging. Should be back tonight.” Carl answered coldly.

   “Oh.” Negan feigned offense, “Wish he would have told me. I'm really hurt.”

   Carl shook his head and walked away. When Rick was gone, the boy never truly left Negan's vicinity. He always stayed nearby, always watching in case there was trouble. Negan supposed it made Carl feel like he had some sort of control, when he really didn't have an ounce. Negan knew the boy would never, ever trust him, no matter what he did or how much time they spent together, and a part of him was disappointed by that. Carl was just as stubborn as his father.

   Negan ended up sitting on Rick's porch that evening, bored out of his skull with a pitcher of lemonade on the table beside him. Rick still hadn't come back yet; he'd been gone all day. Negan couldn't help but wonder what the hell was going on. Had he run into trouble? Had something happened to him? Had he been hurt, or worse? Negan scowled at the thought, refusing to consider the possibility any further...  
  
   A couple hours later something interesting caught Negan's eye; A man walking up the road. A man Negan had only caught glimpses of here and there. Today the guy was clean-shaven, tidied up and holding an unopened bottle of whiskey. All primped up as though he were going on a date, but it became clear when he caught Negan's eye and headed towards him with a big, fake smile plastered on his face that he'd done all the special preparation just for Negan. His curiosity was peaked.

 

   Negan decided to go along with it and see what the hell the guy was up to, sticking to small conversation to get a feel for him. Within ten minutes, Negan had learned that the guy's name was Spencer and that he was completely full of shit. Negan could see right through his petty charade; Spencer was kissing his ass to get something from him, and Negan wondered what the hell it could be. What was his goal?  
  
   One good thing did come out of their conversation, however. Spencer tipped him off about a pool table in the garage across the way, which they worked together to drag out into the street. It was during a game of eight ball when things started to get truly interesting.

   “I want to talk to you about Rick.”  
  
_Here it comes._ Negan sighed, “All right. Talk to me, Spencer. Talk to me about Rick.”  
It was at this point Negan noticed several of the Alexandrians hanging within earshot. That included Carl, who eyed Spencer from Rick's porch just across the street.

   “I get what you're trying to do here, what you're trying to build. I'm not saying I agree with your methods, but I get it. You're building a network. You're making people contribute for the greater good. It makes sense. But you should know that Rick Grimes has a history of not working well with others.”

   Negan already knew where this was going, “Is that so?”

   “Rick wasn't the original leader here. My mom was. She was doing a really good job of it. Then she died, not long after Rick showed up – same with my brother. Same with my dad.”  
  
_So the man's holding a grudge_ , “So, everything was peachy here, for what, years? And then Rick shows up, and suddenly, you're an orphan? That is the saddest story I've ever heard. Good thing for you, he's not in charge anymore.”  
  
   “Doesn't matter. His ego's out of control. He'll find a way to screw things up, to try and do things his way, to take over. That's what he did with my mom. That's what he'll do again.”

   “What exactly are you proposing be done about that?” Negan knew exactly what Spencer was getting at, but he wanted to pull it out of him. To force Spencer to make his intentions very clear, so that everyone watching would clearly understand the message Negan was about to send.  
  
   “I am my mother's son. I can be the leader she was. That what this place needs. That's what you need.”  
  
   “So I should put you in charge. That's what you're saying?”

   “We'd be much better off.”

   Negan had reached the end of his patience with Spencer, “You know, I'm thinking, Spencer. I'm thinking about how Rick threatened to kill me, how he clearly hates my guts, but he is out there right now, gathering shit for me to make sure I don't hurt any of the fine people that live here. He is swallowing his hate and getting shit done. That takes guts. And then there's you.”

   Negan set down the cue stick on the table and calmly sauntered over to Spencer, who visibly tensed up as he approached. _Not so confident after all, huh?_

   “The guy who waited for Rick to be gone so he could sneak over and talk to me to get me to do his dirty work, so he could take Rick's place. So I got to ask – if you wanna take over, why not just kill Rick yourself and just take over?”  
  
   The whole image Spencer had forged started to crumble, “What? No, no. I didn't, I don't-”

   “You know what I'm thinking? Cause I have a guess.” Negan leaned in and whispered, “It's because you got no guts.”

   Adrenaline pumping through his veins, Negan took out the knife sheathed on his belt, and sliced Spencer's stomach open. Blood and intestines gushed out onto the road, and the man collapsed, groaning in pain. Everyone else sucked in a collective gasp.

   Negan couldn't resist, “Oh, how embarrassing. There they are. They were inside you the whole time. You _did_ have guts. I've never been so wrong in my whole life!” He turned to all the people who'd stopped to watch the commotion. They eyed him with utter disgust and shock.

   “Someone outta get up here and clean this mess up before a kid sees it. Oh, anyone want to finish the game?”

   Nobody laughed. Nobody answered. Nobody even moved an inch. _Damn, these people have no sense of humor whatsoever. What a damn shame._

   “Come on. I was _winning_!”

   Someone loudly cleared their throat and Negan turned back around to see who it was. There was Rick, glaring bloody daggers at him like he was the most foul person on the planet. It really dug under Negan's skin. He sighed. _Back to this shit again. Well, there goes all my fucking progress._

   Of course Rick would return right _after_ all the shit went down. Sometimes Rick had really crappy timing. _If only he'd heard what Spencer had proposed, he would know the favor I just did for him._

   Negan walked up to him, “I just saved your ass, Rick. You leave and this guy wanted me to kill you and put him in charge. I took him out for you.”

   Truth was, Negan didn't want anyone taking away the one truly respectable foe he had, especially not someone as unworthy as Spencer. Rick was naive and, at times, oblivious, but he had proven a very interesting rival and one Negan very much wanted to keep around for a while. To hopefully transform into an ally. And Spencer? He was a coward. A man who wanted everything handed to him and to never get his hands dirty. To have all the power and yet do nothing to earn it.

   Meanwhile, Rick was right back to imagining all the ways he could gut Negan. All the hatred he'd had for the man flared right back up with a vengeance, and he despised himself for not taking advantage of any of the opportunities he'd had to kill him. Instead, he'd actually let himself get comfortable around him, and now yet another person had died, all because he'd decided to give Negan a chance to prove he was something more than some egotistical psychopath.  
  
  Truth was, Negan was nothing but a monster, there was no changing that fundamental fact. Rick had known that from the very start, so why did he feel so... disappointed?  


 


	12. Demons

   A tight, painful ball of anger and frustration lodged itself in Rick's chest and refused to leave, growing and festering all night long. _I should've known Negan wouldn't work out. Yet I let him near my kids. I let myself start to get comfortable with him. I let myself think there could be something more between us then bitter rivalry. I actually let myself believe we could become a team..._  
  
   The whole scene with Spencer kept replaying itself over and over in Rick's head. On one hand, he knew he should hate Negan for what he'd done, just as much as everyone else did. Yet, what if Negan had been truthful? What if he had a point about Spencer? Spencer had been very vocal about his disagreements and dissatisfaction with Rick. It wouldn't be very surprising if he really had intended to kill him and overthrow him. Yet, did that really mean he deserved to be murdered?

   The constant back and forth of Rick's mind exhausted him, and he had to wonder; why did it even matter? Why was he so torn up about this? Why did he feel any need at all to defend the bastard who'd killed his friends?

 _I just need rest. It's the stress, that's all. I've been around Negan way too much. Tomorrow I'll wake up, and I'll be able to think straight._  
  
   As soon as Rick got through the gate, he headed for his home, looking forward to spending a little time with Judith and Carl before sliding under the covers and dropping off into a much needed deep sleep. As long as he didn't run into Negan along the way, everything would be fine. 

   He practically skipped up the steps to his house, digging the house key out of his pocket.

   “Welcome home.”  
  
   Rick jumped backward, nearly dropping his key.

   “Woah, didn't mean to startle you.” Negan grinned, sitting on one of the porch chairs. Rick had completely missed him sitting there in the dark. _How long has he been waiting there?_

   “What do you want?” Rick snapped, glaring at him.

   Negan's brows furrowed as he made a show of looking around himself, “Now I know that fucking look ain't for me. I really thought we were making progress. I thought we were friends. Why this shitty fucking attitude all of a sudden?”

   Rick growled, “We were never friends.”  
  
   “Oh, I get it.” Negan said, nodding, “You're pissed at me for killing Spencer.”

 _How did you fucking guess?_ Rick said nothing, averting his gaze. _Maybe if I don't say anything at all, he'll go away._  
  
   It didn't work of course. Negan sighed as he stood and walked over to him.  
  
   “You're angry. I get it. But who are you more angry at? Me? Or yourself? You know that we're exactly the fucking same, but you don't want to admit it. You don't want the people you lead to know how you really are.”

   “I'm _nothing_ like you. Stop pretending like you know everything. You know _nothing_.”

   Negan scowled, “I know hell of a lot more than you, Prick. And I know you know I'm right.” He stepped back, expression softening into a smirk, “But you keep telling yourself otherwise, if that helps you rest your pretty little head at night.”

   Rick glared daggers at the back of Negan's jacket as he turned and headed for the steps.

   “See you around, Prick. I got better shit to do than babysit all day and make dinners for a whiney little ungrateful bitch anyways.”

   Rick sighed as he watched Negan disappear down the road, whistling as he swung Lucille side to side. He spent just a moment too long standing there. Negan happened to look over his shoulder and catch him staring, and gave him a wink. Rick winced and went inside.

  He froze in the doorway to the living room.

  There was a plate on the table, sitting on the place-mat in his spot. A plate full of freshly made shepherd's pie.

  Rick let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. _Dammit, Negan._

* * *

   Negan didn't go home right away. He was too pent up with frustration to face the silence of home without some sort of alcohol in his hand or a girl or two to fuck. Obviously, he wouldn't be lucky enough to find the latter so he settled for option one.

   He stopped by the garage where the rations were kept. The Savior on post let him in without argument, and Negan went straight for the shelf the alcohol was kept on. By now he knew where it was by memory, he could get to it with his eyes closed.

   There wasn't much left, he noticed. He took one of the beer bottles, scowling. _Guess this will have to do._ All the harder liquor was gone now, the stash heavily depleted since he'd moved in.  _Whatever poor bastard's downing all that shit is either battling some really fucked up demons inside or trying really fucking hard to hide them._

    The Savior on post slid the garage door shut as Negan stepped out. He decided to take the long route home, taking advantage of the free time to sort through his thoughts and explore the areas of Alexandria he wasn't too familiar with yet.

   Negan ended up at the edge of the lake, and stood there, leaning against a tree. He set Lucille right down beside him and looked out over the lake. The water was calm, looking almost like glass reflecting the moonlight and stars. All that could be heard was the gentle trickling of water and the crickets.

 

 _This is weird. No walker growls. No cars. No planes. No TV blaring._  
  
   He popped open the lid of the beer with his teeth, then tossed the lid into the lake. It disappeared with a gentle plunk.

 _There's so much shit to do now._ He took a long swig of his beer. _How are we ever gonna find another place as good as that damn factory? How are we ever gonna find the Wolves?_

   He thought back to his conversation with Rick. They'd been going so good up until the incident with Spencer. _I know he agrees with me, but he's so attached to his goddamn people... How do I make Rick accept the truth? Spencer wanted him dead. I saved him. We were making so much progress, but now..._

   Rustling pulled Negan out of his thoughts. He whipped around, hand immediately reaching for Lucille.

   At first, he saw nothing. No walkers. No people. He'd almost let it go and turned back around until but then Dwight showed up, quietly leading his motorcycle down the road. The man looked around, eyes scanning the area as if paranoid, even right past Negan. _It's so dark, he didn't even notice me. What the hell is he up to?_  
  
   Dwight headed for the main entrance, saying something to the Savior at the gate. A few seconds later, the gate was opened, and Dwight headed out into the night. Only after he'd gotten far past the gate did he hop on the motorcycle and turn on the engine. _Sneaking out, I see._

 

   With a sigh, Negan picked up Lucille and went to find Arat. Maybe she could clue him in on what Dwight was doing. It wasn't like him to do anything or go anywhere without informing Negan. Especially not in the fucking piss-early hours of the morning.

   Luckily, Negan found Arat at her post, right where she was supposed to be. He could always count on her to follow orders to a T.  
  
   “Arat, where's Dwight going?”

   Her brows furrowed as she turned to him, “He said you needed him to do something for you. Wouldn't say what.”  
  
   Negan sighed. _First I have Rick acting like a little bitch on her fucking period and now Dwight's sneaking out, doing god-knows-fucking-what. What's next?_  
  
   “Go after him. See what the hell he's up to. Don't let him see you.”  
  
   She nodded, “Yes Sir.”  
  
   With an increasing sense of dread, Negan stepped into his house. Something wasn't right. _Nothing's been right in a long time._ As he passed the living room on the way to the bedroom, he tossed his empty beer bottle into the trash with a loud CLINK as it hit all the other empty liquor bottles inside. 

 


End file.
